Two Consultants on Leadership: Managing Conflict

Bryan Shelton Behavior Continuous Improvement Innovation Leadership

Unhealthy conflict will be something that every leader has to address at some point. As leaders, helping team members address conflict is good for business. When team members are experiencing conflict, they might create sludge inside operations that slows communication, decision making, innovation, while lowering productivity and job satisfaction. These side effects can often spread to others who are connected to the individuals, creating an exponential problem for the organization. How conflict is addressed then is an important leadership skill. If it’s addressed poorly by the leader, the side effects can linger, and the negative emotions being experienced by the individuals can spread and become connected to the leader themselves. Therefore, effective conflict management is a key leader behavior. This blog is dedicated to helping leaders manage conflict. Each of us will offer three suggestions for how to do that effectively. 

Brian Molina, Ph.D., Senior Consultant

Pause to assess the emotional climate. When managing conflict, it’s important to first pause and assess the emotional reactions of those involved, including yourself. Before diving into a tough conversation, take a moment to reflect on your own feelings. I remember an experience where I received an unexpected call from a Senior Manager, filled with rapid-fire questions and what felt like unfounded accusations. As the conversation unfolded, I could feel my tension rising—my jaw tightened, and my heartbeat quickened. Instead of listening, I began mentally preparing my rebuttal, thinking about past grievances. Recognizing my heightened emotional state, I requested we pause the conversation for a few minutes to regain composure. The manager agreed, and when we resumed, we both approached the situation more calmly. The manager admitted they had acted out of turn, apologized, and the conversation shifted to a more productive exchange. Had the manager reflected beforehand, they might have approached the situation differently.

Focus on what you want. Another key element of conflict resolution is focusing on the desired behaviors rather than just eliminating the undesired ones. Often, in conflict, we focus too much on stopping negative actions, which can drive issues underground and damage relationships. Conflict management isn’t just about halting bad behavior but also guiding team members toward productive actions. For example, simply telling an employee to stop being unprofessional doesn’t clarify what professionalism looks like. Instead, provide clear examples and, if necessary, training to help them improve.

Arrange ongoing reinforcement to sustain desired behaviors. Lastly, it’s essential to reinforce positive behaviors to ensure long-lasting change. Many leaders experience the cycle of behavior correction—improvement, followed by a return to old habits. To break this cycle, leaders should actively acknowledge and praise desired behaviors when they occur, demonstrating their positive impact on results or team dynamics. Negative reinforcement can also be used, but it should be employed carefully. In severe cases, organizational consequences like a Performance Improvement Plan may be necessary to sustain compliance.

By pausing, focusing on desired behavior, and reinforcing progress, leaders can foster healthier, more productive conflict resolution.

Bryan Shelton, M.S., Senior Consultant

Helping others deal with unhealthy conflict can be a difficult task for any leader. These situations are often emotionally charged and can be taxing. Consider using APE, or Assess, Plan and Evaluate. Think of these as three phases, each having specific actions leaders can take to help their team resolve their conflict. 

Assess. The goal is to determine the type of conflict the individuals are experiencing. Is the conflict performance- or personality-related? Helping with performance-related conflict, “they are not meeting my expectations,” will likely require a different solution than dealing with people not getting along. Get to the root cause of the conflict. Ask questions to identify the behavior patterns and causes such as:

  • What is the person specifically doing that is causing the conflict?
  • When do you see these behavior patterns happening? What is going on?
  • What barriers (or other causes) are attributing to seeing those behaviors?
  • What is the impact on you (or the organization)?

Plan. The goal here is to determine what the individuals are going to do differently in the future. If the conflict is performance-related (say a direct report does not meet a manager’s expectations), then addressing the conflict will be focused on that manager’s behavior. What are they going to do differently to influence behavior? Focus on more/better antecedents and consequences delivered from the manager. This could include leadership training for the manager, providing tools and resources, investing in relationship development, or helping the leader deliver better feedback and positive reinforcement. 

If the conflict is more personality-related, then a different approach will likely be needed. A purposeful focus on relationship development, finding common interests and common goals or values can be useful in these situations. Once established, then a shift towards future behaviors can be made. Define what behaviors each person needs to do so that the team members can start performing well together. 

Evaluate. The goal here is to determine if the newly agreed-upon behaviors are occurring and working to reduce future conflict and improve results. Have each person track their own performance (how often are they responding in an old behavior pattern vs, the new one). Look for signs of the positive impact that behavior change is having on their team members and the performance of the group. Finally, have them report on progress on a standard cadence such as weekly or bi-monthly. 

Final Thoughts

Unhealthy conflict is a drain on the organization and the people within it. Helping others deal with conflict is therefore a critical leader skill. Getting a clear understanding of what’s going on and then focusing on future behavior patterns will be key to reducing the likelihood of future issues. One thing that Brian mentioned that’s worth highlighting is the importance of reducing emotional responding in these interactions. When emotions are running high, it’s likely not the best time to have the discussion. Having accountability for the behavior change is also necessary. Behavior will not change without the right consequences in place to support it. 

You can also enjoy the video on this topic.

Posted by Bryan Shelton

Bryan applies his knowledge and expertise in strategic planning to help organizations align employee performance with company goals. Bryan helps clients create improvement across a variety of business metrics including company growth, profitability, customer service, vision alignment, leadership development, and culture change. He also helps clients implement process improvement initiatives, improve sales results and using performance-pay systems to help drive company results. His behavior-based approaches and applications have supported clients’ improvement initiatives, leadership development, and the design and implementation of performance pay systems.